Weasel Pie
by Doctor John Smith
Summary: My grammar sucks so please forgive any mistakes, MS word is all I got for writing... and no editor. Pinkie is walking in the park one day when she bumps into a man with a humorous lifestyle. PinkieXOC don't like don't read, please Read and Review, i also like fanart!
1. pony meets a weasel

**A/N: this is humanized**

**Weasel Pie**

**by Doctor John Smith**

It was a nice day in ponyville. The sun was shining, the birds were chirping and Pinkie Pie, a bright bubbly girl with puffy Pink hair, she wore a pink T-shirt with long black sleeves under it and on the shirt was a picture of 3 balloons. She took in a deep breath as she walked through the park looking around to see a lot of her friends. She waved to a couple of them: Lyra, Derpy, even the weird children that called themselves the "Warners". The youngest boy named Wakko, who wore a red ball cap, a blue sweater and black shorts, stopped running and looked up to her and yelled "HELLOOOOOOOO NURSE!" before being chased off by a security guard. She chuckled at the sight that passed by and soon she went back to her walking. A few hours later she decided to head back to SugarCube Corner but along her walking she ran into someone knocking him down. "OH MY GOSH!" she yelled helping him up "I'm so sorry for knocking you down sir, I wasn't looking where I was..." she was cut off by him.

"Its ok ma'am it was my fault, Name is Ronnie T. Weasel, entertainer and comedian." he spoke kind of high but nonetheless it was kind of adorable to her. He had long brown hair combed to the side and was topped with a 20's style Bowler hat; he also wore a light purple suit jacket, a wood brown dress shirt and a multi colored Tie. Pinkie blushed as he held his hand out to her "ummm... ma'am you ok?" he snapped his fingers when she came to.

"Yes I am, Pinkie Pie, nice to meet you Ronnie." she shook his hand

He smiled retracting his hand "well I'm new here care to show me around?" she grinned at his question.

"Why yes I would!" she squealed grabbing his hand and running with him to town.

Once in town she is pointing and random buildings "and that is my friend Derpy's house, her boyfriend lives in a blue box on top of the hill outside of town." to her surprise Ronnie wasn't dragging on the ground like most people she showed around but instead he was keeping up with her in fact right behind her "you're keeping up? You're a keeper!" she said to him.

Ronnie looked up to her and asked "hey Miss. Pie can we stop? I'm running out of breath..." she halted to a stop and he smacked right into her causing her to fall again. He got up dusting himself off and holds his hand out "sorry again ma'am." she chuckled grabbing it and standing up "so where is there to eat Miss. Pie? I'm starving."

She got a big grin "well there is SugarCube Corner..." he shot her confused look asking "what is SugarCube Corner Miss. Pie?"

**Hey there Dr. John Smith here saying: you sat through chapter one ehh? good now have a muffin; this is PinkieXOC because a character I used when I was younger is there, backstory in chapter 2.**


	2. weasel from a town called Mulberry Bush

**Weasel Pie**

**Chapter 2**

**By Doctor John Smith**

Pinkie gave Ronnie a big grin "Oh mister Weasel, it's a fantastic place. I really think you might enjoy it!" she then grabbed his arm and ran towards a giant cake like building. 'Whoa this place is crazy' Ronnie thought to himself. Once inside Pinkie sat him down at a table "Now you sit here Ronnie while I get you…" she then noticed the three girls that would cause trouble in search of what they wanted to do in life "Hey girls this is Ronnie, can sit with him while I get him something to eat?"

One Girl who had long red hair put up in a pink bow. She answered in a thick southern accent "Sure thing Pinkie!" Pinkie nodded and ran to the kitchen, leaving Ronnie alone with kids his worst nightmare. She spoke up again "So mister. What's your name?"

"What?" he asked her confused.

"Your name mister. What is it?" she asked again

He spoke up "Oh, well child my name is Ronnie T. Weasel, entertainer and comedian. What are your names?" he looked to them

One girl who wore an orange T-Shirt and had purple hair "I'm Scootaloo, and these are my friends Applebloom and Sweetie Belle." she held her arms out pulling her friends close. "What brings you to Ponyville?" asked a girl with a mix of white and light purple hair; she wore a white blouse and light purple waistcoat.

Ronnie was about to speak when suddenly a tray of cakes, cupcakes and pie dropped in front of him "Whoa is this for me?" Pinkie, who was now sitting with the girls, nodded "Every last crumb is for you." She gave a slight giggle before speaking again "Say do you mind sharing how you came here?" She asked giving him the most adorable puppy dog eyes he has ever seen.

Ronnie, after shoving about three cupcakes into his mouth, began to tell the story "Well I was originally from a small town outside of Manehattan, it was a lovely town called 'Mulberry Bush' It was a nice town…" he shoved another cupcake into his mouth, after swallowing he continued "I wanted to do more with my life, not just be a silly class clown from a small town, so I left doing small club shows around Manehattan until I met a lady named Trixie." They looked at him astonished.

Sweetie Belle recovered first "what happened?"

"Well…" Ronnie continued "Trixie became my manager, but after a while." He shoved another cupcake into his mouth "There was a falling out, She wanted to do it for money and I wanted to do it for the love of making people laugh…" after a short silence he continued "she fired me, threw me into the streets and said 'you will never be anything but a goofball clown!'" he shoved the last cupcake into his mouth.

Pinkie looked shocked and felt a bit sad for the guy "Hey Ronnie…" she paused as he looked at her as he munched on a slice of apple pie 'oh Celestia he is so cute!' she thought. She finally spoke up "If you want Ronnie you… You can stay here… just until you get on your feet. If that's ok with you I mean?" she asked in a manner similar to Fluttershy.

Ronnie saw her manner and gave an enthusiastic answer "Why sure Miss. Pie, I would love to stay here!" when he answered she felt her heart literally beat out of her chest.

**Dr. John Smith here saying; you made it through chapter 2 eh? Well good because his backstory is one I have thought over since I was 6. And how does his entertainer and comedian carrier come into play? Well tune into chapter 3 for the answers to those. In the meantime muffins for everypony!**


	3. Ponies, Pegasi, Unicorns and Weasels

**Weasel Pie**

**Chapter 3**

**By Doctor John Smith**

The next day Pinkie was already eating breakfast as Ronnie; who wore a pair of boxer shorts and a T-Shirt that read 'bomb's away!' and a picture of Slappy Squirrel holding a bomb. She noticed him and waved to him "Hiya Ronnie, care for some breakfast?" she asked putting a bowl in front of him.

Ronnie, while yawning, nodded "sure Pinkie. What's on the menu?" he asked scratching his back. She slid a box of Lucky Charms over to him.

As he made himself a bowl Pinkie couldn't help but ask him a question "Ronnie?" he looked up to her "yeah Pinkie?" he said while eating a spoonful of his cereal, she smiled at him 'oh celestia how cute he is in the mornings' she thought to herself before asking "So… who else lived in Mulberry Bush? Before you left?"

He cleared his throat and began to speak "Well there is only one person who actually cared for me." She looked at him shocked, true she had a rocky childhood but she had her parents and sisters, after another spoonful he spoke again "It was a family friend, General Sherman Monkey. He was a big tough guy who had a congressional medal of honor, purple heart, any medal you can think of actually. But after I would get on trouble in school for being the class clown… he got more involved in my upbringing…" he ate more as Pinkie just stared at him. He let out a loud belch after finishing his breakfast "but after many failed attempts for the General to get me to be more like him, he just gave up on me…" he let out a small sniffle "…he was my best friend, my uncle, he was more of a family than my family but after he said-"he then puffed out his chest and made a rocky old voice (like R Lee Ermey) "Ron you aren't ever gonna be anything but a goofball clown the way you act! Either straighten up or get out, your choice." He then exhaled and started to cry.

Pinkie, on the verge of tears herself from hearing his story, she began to speak "Ronnie I-"she stopped her thought and gave him a thoughtful hug "I… I'm sorry for what happened to you, all I can is I'm here for you." He looked up to see he was looking down to her "and that's all that matters. "She went back to nuzzling her head in his chest.

Just then Pinkie heard a familiar sound, it was her friends. Pinkie felt embarrassed at this moment still in the embrace of Ronnie, she couldn't help but blush. "Guys you weren't supposed to come by today!" as she said that her friend Fluttershy spoke first "oh... We just wanted to see what you were doing today and-"she was cut off by Rarity "and what you were doing with this strange man?"

Pinkie blushed more and more as she began to speak "Umm girls… this is-"as she was about to introduce him Ronnie himself got up and began introducing himself "My name is Ronnie T. Weasel, entertainer and comedian. Who are you?"

A girl with long dark purple hair and a hot pink streak going through it; she wore a purple school girl uniform. She was the first to speak "Nice to meet you, my name is Twilight Sparkle."

Another one cladded in a white dress with purple hair voluptuously walked over to Ronnie, shaking his hand "hello there Mr. Weasel." She spoke with an elegant British accent "my name is Rarity, owner of the carousel boutique."

The next to speak was a blond girl with a thick southern accent; she wore and orange flannel shirt and blue jeans and cowboy boots, atop her head was a dusty old Stetson. She gripped Ronnie's hand, squeezing it "Names Applejack, farmer at Sweet Apple Acers, best apples this side of Equestria." As she shook his hand she noticed he was being whipped around by her strength "heh sorry buddy, don't know mah own strength sometimes."

As Ronnie collected himself and was shaken again by a rainbow haired girl wearing a cyan track suit "Hey bud names Rainbow Dash, but you can just call me 'Dash' if it's all the same to you." He nodded "great maybe later we can have a race."

Shaking off his encounter Ronnie made his way to the last person in the group. A pink haired girl wearing a yellow dress with a yellow sweater over it. She gave him a soft smile "Nice too meet you Mr. Weasel, my name is Fluttershy." She said rubbing her hands across her stomach.

Ronnie noticed that and couldn't help but ask "Miss. Shy, are you pregnant?" she nodded "ohh that is wonderful!"

Pinkie giggled at him but started to speak "ok girls, lets me and Ronnie get dressed then we can see everything, ok?"

They all nodded as Ronnie was running up the stairs to his sleeping quarters, Pinkie close behind.

**Dr. John Smith here saying: another chapter gone by eh? Well lets only hope things get funny, as for now. Muffins for all!**


	4. the Princess and the General

**Weasel Pie**

**Chapter 4**

**By Doctor John Smith**

Princess Celestia was sitting in her thrown room; she was doing what she does best reading letters, signing bills, and munching on a slice of cake. Amongst all this her sister Luna walked into the room.

"Dear sister, the visitor from that town is here." She said. She wore a long dark blue dress with streaks of black in it, matching her long hair of the same color.

Celestia looked up from her cake and smiled "show him in." Luna nodded and left the room. 'Hope he can whip this lame excuse for an army into shape' Celestia thought. Just then Luna came back into the room.

"Here she is sir. Will that be all?" she asked

A large man standing at about 6' 5" entered; he had buzzed brown hair that was clearly greying, he wore an army green dress uniform, well decorated she noticed, and he had marks showing he was a general. "What is it you needed that was so important that you had to drag me from my sleeping quarters!?" he yelled in a deep harsh tone (like R. Lee Ermey).

She jumped after his immediate screech "well Mr.-"she was cut off "It is General to you ma'am!" She nodded "General Monkey, you're credentials are far beyond what I expected, question is… Are you able to train my solder's?" after asking, she noticed his right eye begin to twitch she gave a big gulp.

"Am I up to it?" he got an inch from her face "Ma'am I have lead several platoons, several army's, and fought many battles." He gave a deep inhale the yelled like the royal canterlot voice "DO YOU THINK I AM UP TO THE CHALLENGE!" she nodded "NOW STAND AT ATTENTION!" she stood at attention, even saluting him. He let out a small chuckle "Good now show me to this army of yours." She nodded "Yes Sir!" she began marching out and stopped half way "*ahem* I mean let's."

In town Twilight and Pinkie were talking "So…" Twilight wondered "are you interested in Ronnie?" Pinkie, doing a spit takes with her milkshake, hesitated to answer "I mean, we all saw how you were with him this morning, so. Are you?"

Pinkie looked over to Ronnie; he was making weird and funny faces at the cake twins. She sighed "I don't know Twi; he seems like a nice guy but… I don't know if he likes me back…" she sipped more of her shake.

Twilight face palmed at her statement "Pinkie I may know next to nothing on romance but, even I can tell he is head over heels for you."

Pinkie sighed, but as she looked up she noticed celestia was standing over them "P-Princess?" twilight did a double take thinking the same thing "Princess…" Twilight began "what are you doing here?"

"Well, I was showing our guest around… a personal tour." In the distance a yell was heard.

"No, no it can't be!" he ran behind Celestia "Why are you here!?"

The General was looming over Ronnie "I was brought here to train the princess's army, question is…" he grabbed Ronnie my collar of his coat "What are you doing here?"


	5. the story behind it all

**Weasel Pie**

**Chapter 5**

**By Doctor John Smith**

Ronnie shivered and shook in fear "How… how can this be!?" he asked while trying to escape the strong grasp of General Monkey. "You said 'I want nothing to do with you!'" He said trying to get loose from Monkey's grip.

The General just gave him an angry look "I did say that but-"he then threw Ronnie into a tree "I was brought here to train the army of the princess…" he put a finger to his chin and then gave a big grin "I guess they could use some target practice." He clinched his fists and walked towards Ronnie.

At this time Ronnie was trying to regain strength to get up but it was no use. Looming over him was a ton of anger formed into a person "p-please don't hurt me…" but as the general was about to smash his fist into Ronnie's face a yell was called out "STOP!"

Everyone looked over to Celestia "Now I know I have no authority over you or Mr. Weasel General, but if beating him into the ground going to stifle your rage? In fact if we just sit down and talk we can figure out why he angers you so." The general the turned his attention to Celestia "that might just work… Princess."

In the gardens of the castle everyone was sitting down and receiving cups of tea "Earl Grey Tea General?" Celestia asked. He shook his head "no thanks ma'am I don't drink tea." Just then a maid handed him a cup of black coffee "coffee is my only drink."

It was ten minutes till Celestia broke the awkward silence "So general mind sharing to us why you have a hate for Mr. Weasel?" as she said that the general physically shook.

He cleared his throat "well missy, this weasel here has been the Bain of my existence since his birth…"he grabbed Ronnie by his hair making him give out a loud shriek "you would always cause trouble. You would always trash my office, hop around yelling 'Hoho' or just…" he the threw Ronnie into a hedge "I still haven't paid off the damage you have done to the mayor's office." He sat back down drinking his coffee angrily.

Celestia heard a faint crying in the distance causing Pinkie to zoom over to Ronnie "Ronnie are you ok?" she turned her attention to the general "you should be ashamed of yourself, hurting poor Ronnie like that." She rubbed his head "he said he never hurt a single person in his life." The general got up and walked over to her "missy, did you know this little runt blew up an entire building in 5 minutes?"

Pinkie looked at Ronnie "is-is that true?" she said with a tear in her eye "Pinkie I get a little out of control, when I was younger I would get too zany and do things that might be a little extreme." The general spoke up "Ron, when you were 5 you caused Mulberry Bush $5,000 worth of damage. How innocent does he seem now kid?" Pinkie looked at Ronnie with eyes saying 'please tell me this isn't true'

Pinkie held her head down and walked away when Ronnie didn't answer "Ronnie I-I think it's best you leave." Celestia said.

Ronnie nodded and walked away as pinkie sobbed into Twilight's shoulder.

**Dr. John Smith here saying; another chapter? Well I am here to say the next one is the last one… I hope.**


	6. Ending with a Bang

**Weasel Pie**

**Chapter 6**

**By Doctor John Smith**

Ronnie was sitting on the train waiting for it to leave the station "I really hope the faster this train gets moving…" he held his head down and sighed "the faster I can leave this experience behind me."

A few minutes later the conductor called out "TIME TO GO!" and the train started off towards Manehattan. Ronnie looked around the train and saw a young blond 3 year old running and giggling chasing a mouse; at this time a dog was chasing franticly after her. 'weird' Ronnie thought to himself but then went back to his thoughts 'I thought I could make a new life for myself… without being harassed by General Monkey…' he slammed his fist into his chair 'but dreams don't come true, he will forever follow me and ruin my life whenever I try to repent…'

On another part of the train the young warner siblings were running from car to car, causing havoc "you gotta catch us first!" yelled the oldest named Yakko; he wore a long sleeved black shirt and a pair of cache pants. He and his younger siblings were until Yakko stopped them "Sibs we need to lose the conductor, each one take a car!" the other two nodded and broke apart.

The youngest girl Dot; who wore a black blouse and a pink skirt, she had messy black hair and had an orange flower in it. She ran into the car in which Ronnie was in "good, I'm safe." She said then sat down. Ronnie looked over to her "hey kid. Who are you running from?" he asked looking at her with a hint of concern.

She replied cheerfully "just from the conductor, you know the usual, not being a passenger or a stowaway. By the way my name is Princess Angelina Contessa Louisa Francesca Banana Fanna Bo Besca the Third but you can call me Dot." She then grabbed his tie and shot him a threatening look "Call me Dottie and you die!" he nodded in agreement then she let go. "So what brings you here mister?"

Ronnie, whilst fixing his tie, begun to tell her of his time in ponyville "My name is Ronnie T. Weasel, and I really want to leave some bad memories behind." He said in a deep sigh. Dot nodded and put a hand on his shoulder "listen Mr. Weasel, if you want to leave town it's ok, but if something calls you back…" she grabbed his head and screamed "YOU GO BACK!" she threw him back to his sit "well it seems I have to go my brothers need me tootles." And with that she left.

"Cute kid… kind of scary though…" he then went back to his thoughts. A few minutes later another knock was heard at the door "enter!" he yelled. Just then a young delivery girl entered, she was thin and about the size of pinkie. "Food sir?" she asked showing him a candy cart. Ronnie just rubbed his eyes "I-I can't pay for it…" the girl chuckled "It's ok sir, It's on the house." She gave him a faint smile "Really?" he replied, she nodded "great… a friend of mine back in town did the same thing…" his voice began to sink "but she and that town are now the past." He grabbed a few pieces of candy and sat down. As he did that she sat down with him "so tell me about this friend of yours."

Ronnie began to speak "she was very pretty, not to mention smart and had a love of sweets… but I screwed up." The girl looked at him confused "how so?" she asked "well…" he began "I did something's I'm not proud of… like talking about my past."

The girl shot him a look "so if you were to say anything about this girl. What else would you say?" Ronnie just grinned "I would tell her I love her, tell her that if she could look past my zaniness I would love her dearly… but I can't." he put his head in his hands. The girl spoke up "Ronnie that is the sweetest thing I have ever heard anyone say to me." He froze and looked up to see the girl remove her hat and reveal puffy pink hair "miss me weasel boy?" she gave a chuckle.

Ronnie looked at Pinkie wide eyed "P-Pinkie!?" is all he could say before she gave him a small kiss on the lips "I said 'Miss me Weasel boy?' and I'm guessing your answer is…" she was swooped down into another kiss with Ronnie saying "Yes"

About an hour into the trip to Manehattan Pinkie asked Ronnie a question "what are you going to do there?" he didn't answer right away but instead grabbed his suit case and opened it; it had TNT, a black bowling ball with a long wick, and a mallet. "Just what I do best my dear." Pinkie smiled "well where ever you go, I go." He gave her another passionate kiss as the train entered Manehattan.

**Dr. John Smith here saying; so you sat through all 6 chapters, I congratulate you. *hands you a muffin* your reward. But I must say this one was very tough to write but I did it and you had to sit and read, but from what I heard you all enjoyed reading it. Now please enjoy my other works and a list of future works**

**Future works: Bonkers and Ronnie, Slappy Squirrel and Ronnie, more MLP:FIM stuff and Ronnie.**

**You seeing a pattern? Anyway bye for now. **


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